Trafalgar Square, London 2024

Day 13 - Santa Was A Freak Like Me - Louisiana Blues Brothers

The second Christmas Party nights of the season and if this doesn't get you on the dancefloor doing your funky stuff then you need to book in to see your doctor.

The Louisiana Blues Brothers are Tyree Neal, Pokey and Adrian Bager and here they promise that Santa is looking for those that are naughty 'he don't want no nice' so that's good news for most of us then.

La Mere Noel Christmas

 

Day 12 - Ghostface X-mas - Ghostface Killah

Ghostface - or Dennis Coles as his mum shouts out when she calls him in for his tea - is a rapper with the Wu-Tang Clan so you might expect his X-mas might be a cynical denouncement of the season and include the type of Ho-Ho-Ho's you'll not hear from the Santa you saw earlier this week at the Co-op. 

But you'd be wrong.

In fact, 'Ghostface X-Mas' might have the most seasonal sentiments of any song on this year's calendar. Set to a sample of 'Carol of the Bells', the whole thing sings with lines like 'Smell the pinetrees in the air', 'Snowmen, snowflakes, cinnamon cakes', 'Wooden soldiers and chestnuts' and 'Cookies and milk on the mantle / the mistletoe, that scent from the peppermint candles'. I mean, you could give this to Bing or Sinatra and they'd be happy with the emotion of it all. 

Even when 'ol Killah says at one point 'Ghost knows when you be sleeping / Ghost knows when you awake' it sounds more of  a promise than a threat.

In fact the only thing that might cause consternation is the line 'That warm French vanilla / Mean coat with zippers / Bearskin robe dragon with Versace slippers' as it might be confusing to those of us who get our dressing gown and slippers from Next. 

Wu-Tang for the children? Well, perhaps.

Day 11 - Christmas Wish - Percy Sledge

Percy Sledge, who left this world in 2015, was of course, the man who brought us the classic 'When a Man Loves a Woman' and he's in fine voice here on a gorgeous song that implores 'May every man be your brother'. 

That seems a decent wish any season of the year.

Day 10 - Xmas time Of Year - Green Day

Californian rockers Green Day on the type of seasonal headbanger you'd probably expect.

Festive Buzz

 

Day 9 - My Christmas Prayer - Billy Fury

The former Ronald Wycherley - as his mum knew him - has a Christmas prayer from 1959, and if you didn't know it was from the 50s then the girlie backing singing 'Bong' at the end of every line might give you a clue.

Day 8 - Silent Night - Christopher Lee

Among the many strange turns this Calendar has taken over the eighteen years we've had until it was old enough to vote is one rule - now fortunately fallen by the wayside -  that each year had to have one version of 'White Christmas' on it.

Even amongst the insanity of those early years though, we never had anything quite this bonkers. This is the Christopher Lee - Hammer Dracula, Saruman etc - singing (and I use the word loosely there) a Heavy Metal Christmas version of the old Bing classic.

The weird thing is that as it starts you think 'Oh no, surely not? Please!...' but after a couple of minutes you're shaking your head and flipping rock signs to your neighbours. No? Just me then...

For reference, Heavy Metal Christmas also features a version of 'The Little Drummer Boy' and - wait for it! - there is also a 'Heavy Metal Too' featuring more festive nonsense, a 'Darkest Carols, Faithful Sing' version of 'Hark, The Herald Angels' and a full non-Christmas related concept album, but I'll leave you to investigate that.

This whole thing has reminded me that when I was a younger man working in the glittering West End of London I once passed Christopher Lee in Berkeley Square. I can confirm, he was very tall, very imposing, and definitely not a man you'd approach for a chat. 

Rock on Scaramanga! 

Day 7 - I Don't Intend To Spend Christmas Without You - Claudine Longet / The Garlands

It's the first shopping Saturday of the season and time for another Blagg GOFGOF (Get One Free, Get One Free). This one involves the strange story of Claudine Longet.

Longet, now 82, is a Parisian-born Franco-American singer and actress who appeared in many huge hit U.S. TV shows and films in the 1960s, at her peak starring alongside Peter Sellers in the box-office hit 'The Party'. She was also a very successful recording artist, frequenting the U.S. Billboard chart on many occasions and earning a Gold disc for her 1967 debut album 'Claudine'.

Half of a glamorous show business marriage to superstar singer Andy Williams - she frequently appeared on his very popular TV show - the pair had three children together in a ten year marriage that ended in 1970.

In 1975 however, Longet's career came crashing down when she was arrested for the murder of her boyfriend, Olympic skier Vladimir Sabich. 

In her defence at the trial, Longet claimed that the gun accidentally discharged as she was being shown how to use it, but the prosecution claimed that she was nearly 6ft from Sabich at the time and the skier had been bending down.

Procedural mistakes by the defence team barred the trial from hearing some further evidence and Longet was eventually found guilty of negligent homicide and ordered to pay a fine and spend 30 days in jail of her own choosing. She chose to go in at weekends.

Interestingly, the singer was supported throughout by her ex-husband Andy Williams who paid for her defence and even drove her to court every day. Williams famously said of his ex-wife "She's the mother of my children and we never stopped being friends".

Following the criminal trial, the Sabich family sued Longet via a civil case and an undisclosed settlement was made out of court with the added proviso that the singer never discuss the killing or the settlement. Since then Longet has maintained a completely private profile.

'I Don't Intend To Spend Christmas Without You' is a December 1967 release of  a song written by Margo Guryan, the writer taking ten years to release her own version. It's since been covered by St. Etienne (1998) and then in 2013 by the Scottish Indie band The Garlands.

I'd intended on just adding Claudine's version for its gorgeous mid-60s pop feel but The Garlands have added an Indie zing to it and I couldn't choose between the two. This could very well have been a three-hander as St Etienne's version is very good too, but I'll let you chase that one down. 

I'm not doing all the heavy lifting here.  

Claudine Longet:

The Garlands:

Day 6 - Party Christmas - Keith Sweat

Talking of parties, it's Friday and the first party night of the season, so here's a bit of Keith Sweat for that chilled out Soul / R'n'B type thang.

Day 5 - Under The Mistletoe - The Harmony Sisters

I pride myself on the Calendar research I do here at the new Blagg Acres, but I must admit I'm confused by this one.

There was a Harmony Sisters from the mid-1930s, a Finnish vocal group who were very popular all over Europe at the time, but who don't seem - as far as I can see - to have recorded any Christmas swing records. 

Similarly, there is a later band of the same name who formed in 2002 to tour with the Bill Blanchard Little Big Band but who don't seem - visually at least - to be the same group here.

The blurb from this suggests that these girls are singing 'lost songs from World War II' (not to be confused with the one we're planning for next year!) found after an 'estate sale' and I'm assuming the ladies concerned are the ones pictured on the YouTube page. But I'm just suspicious of the whole thing. Have we really only just 'discovered' songs from the 1940s? This seems highly unlikely. If they are new songs done in a 40s swing-style then I'm happy enough about it, but I just want to know.  

I'm sensing some sort of trap here. 

I think given the song's title and the ladies concerned, they are thinking I'm going to channel my 1980s Christmas-party inner Gregg Wallace and say something totally inappropriate about attractive women and mistletoe. But I'm too smart to get myself cancelled like that. Far too smart.

Anyway, you enjoy the excellent close harmonies and toe-tapping swing while I find my hair net. This Roast Guinea Fowl and Truffle won't sample itself, you know.  

Time to light my Christmas candle, I think...

Day 4 - Santa - Lightnin' Hopkins

Born in 1912, Samuel John 'Lightnin'' Hopkins was an America country blues singer, songwriter and guitarist who has recorded more blues albums than any other artist and is considered a primary influence on rock guitarists from the 60s on.

In 'Santa' Hopkins promises that if we 'take our stocking and hang it up on the bed, In the morning Santa Claus gon' see that we all is fed'.

Seems fair enough to me.

Day 3 - Holiday Dreaming - Molly Burch

Molly Burch is a Californian Singer/Songwriter with a penchant for songs about heartbreak and loss - right up my avenue - and I discovered her Christmas album late last year and spent a lot of time playing 'Holiday Dreaming' as I love it's restrained groove and plaintive guitar sound. I was looking forward to hearing it again this season, hoping it would have the same effect and I'm pleased to report it made me feel so festive I went into the kitchen searching for the Stilton, crackers and truffle honey. 

There wasn't any. More heartbreak and loss.

Day 2 - Where Is The Comma In "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen" Supposed To Go? - RamsesThePigeon

 For pedants everywhere!

Day 1 - In Dulci Jubilo - Mike Oldfield

As regulars here know - and I'm certainly including those two people in China that site stats say visit every year - Day One on the Calendar normally involves something of a more seasonal offering rather than an outright Christmas record, to help ease those who refuse to have anything to do with the Yuletide spirit until at least the 16th of the month.

But those same regulars will also know that another utterly pointless self-imposed Calendar rule is that Sundays have to be a Carol, so I'm starting off this year with one that hasn't appeared here before but also something that won't tax too many: a UK No. 4 hit back in 1975.

This used to be something of a staple on the radio years ago, but it doesn't get so much airplay now, and it's odd to think that there will be Millennials and Gen Z'ers out there playing this via Virgin mobile, while ordering their Christmas wine from Virgin and booking their holiday to the US on Boxing Day via Virgin airlines, paying via their Virgin savings, oblivious to the fact that Richard Branson's company virtually owes its very existence to this bloke. 

For real Nerds - and, yea I'm looking at you! - the flip side** of the single was a twee, but utterly charming Christmassy effort called 'On Horseback'  that also appeared as a hidden track on Oldfield's 'Ommadawn' album. 

** Please note I am not going to explain terms like 'Vinyl', 'Flip side', 'B Side' etc. Ask your Grandad. He wants to hear from you anyway.

The Return of the Stranger

The wind whipped across the bleak moor, carrying with it the penetrating chill of a winter’s night. He stood alone on the hill once again, His silhouette etched against the fading twilight, His great coat wrapped roughly around him, scarf hiding his face, hat pulled low over His brow. Another Christmas, another lonely night, another bitter, biting frost. He had been waiting this very night for many years. He had been waiting centuries. 

In the distance, a dog barked and lights twinkled gently in the gloom, sparkling like diamonds then disappearing as the wind dropped and the swirling mist doused the light like a douter snuffing out a candle.

He awaited a visitor. A man He neither liked nor trusted, but a Stranger He was always forced to confront at this desolate place, at this strange time, every single year.

He waited. As the night deepened, the sky above became a canvas of swirling stars. The silence was profound, His eyes scanned the gloom constantly, searching for any sign of movement.

A flicker of light caught his attention. A lone figure, cloaked in darkness, emerged from the mist. He could make out some features from the soft glow of a lantern and he was confused. Something about the figure was different. A rich velvet robe, long black leather gloves, a hood hiding the face, but strangely no stout winter coat. Instead, it was a long thick dress he saw. A woman! His heart racing, he realised that things had changed. This was not his old adversary but someone – something - different. She stopped, a short distance away, beyond his touch, her breath misting in the cold air. And he knew.

He could barely see anything of her except her downcast eyes and a few locks of red hair that tumbled from beneath a scarf she wore under the hood. But he knew those eyes. He had seen them every day for many years until she went and they had haunted him every night for eternity since.

“You’ve come back,” he said, his voice cracked.

The woman nodded, her face obscured by the hood of her cloak. “As promised,” she replied, her voice a whisper.

A tense silence fell between them. He knew this was a moment of significance, a turning point, yet he had no idea why. A sense of dread mingled with anticipation. He knew nothing else to say other than that which brought them here every year.

“You have it?”, he asked, he was aware his voice sounded small, lacking the certainty he normally brought to the exchange.

“Of course”, she said. She stepped forward, arm outstretched. He moved to take it and realised his hand was shaking. It wasn’t the folder this time. Instead, with both hands she passed Him a wooden, ornate box. He stretched his hand further, desperate to touch hers, but she withdrew her arm quickly. “You cannot”, she said, casting her eyes down to hide the tears that gathered there.

He looked down for what only seemed a moment, unsure if what he had been given was what he was waiting for. He fumbled for the latch distractedly, for too long, before being suddenly aware that something had shifted in the void. He looked up quickly. The Stranger had gone. “No, wait” he heard himself cry.

But it was too late.

His howl of pain might have been heard for miles had there been anyone to hear it. As it was, there was nothing except his echoed sob.

He turned back to the box. This time his fingers found the latch easily and He opened it slowly, his heart pounding. Inside, nestled on a bed of velvet, was a single, blood-red rose. A symbol of love, passion, and death. Attached was a parchment. He placed the box at his feet, removed the scroll and untied the pink ribbon and held it up to the light from the stars.

Silently He mouthed, ‘Billy Blagg’s 18^th Annual Advent Calendar of Christmas Songs’

Joy Division to the World